quarta-feira, 31 de outubro de 2007


JOSÉ SIMÃO

Halloween! Troca a bruxa pelo saci!

O bom de namorar com um saci é que, quando você leva um pé na bunda, quem cai é ele! BUEMBA! BUEMBA! Macaco Simão Urgente! O esculhambador-geral da República! Direto do País da Piada Pronta!

Halloween! Chama o Serra! Chama o Zé Serra Vampiro Anêmico! Hoje é Dia das Bruxas! Chama a Marta! Não precisa nem de fantasia. Só falta a vassoura. Rarará! E sabe qual é o endereço do Serra? Cemitério da Consolação, tumba 3, carneira 4!

E Halloween é coisa de americano. Bruxa é coisa do Bush! Aqui no Brasil tem um movimento pra mudar de bruxa pra saci. É verdade! Hoje é Dia do Saci!

E o bom de namorar com o saci é que, quando você leva um pé na bunda, quem cai é ele! E sabe o que o saci falou pra sacia? FICA DE TRÊS! Rarará!

E abóbora com vela dentro é coisa de americano. No Dia do Saci, abóbora só com carne-seca! Raloim com carne-seca!

E eu tenho umas amigas sapatas que todo Halloween elas dão uma festa chamada Rala-o-Hímen! Rarará! Sapatas arrasam no Rala-o-Hímen!

Efeito Argentina! Primeira-dama vira presidente! Dona Marisa pra 2010! Tendência mundial: Cristina Quiche, Hilária Clinton e dona Marisa.

A Hilária Clinton vai concorrer com o slogan: "Tomei Cornil, o chifre sumiu". E a dona Marisa? Alguém já ouviu a voz dela? Aliás, sabe por que a dona Marisa é muda?

Porque costuraram o nome dela na boca do sapo errado. Porque ela engoliu todos os esses do Lula! Porque o Lula é cego e surdo, e ela só pode ser muda!

Ou como disse um leitor: porque ela invocou o direito constitucional de permanecer calada. A nossa Hello Kitty. Diz que a dona Marisa é uma mistura de Marta com Joelma da banda Calypso! Rarará! É mole?

É mole, mas sobe! Ou como diz aquele outro: é mole, mas trisca pra ver o que acontece! Antitucanês Reloaded, a Missão.

Continuo com a minha heróica e mesopotâmica campanha "Morte ao Tucanês". Acabo de receber mais um exemplo irado de antitucanês.

É que um amigo meu acaba de voltar da República Tcheca e disse que tem um papel higiênico chamado Grand Finale. Rarará! É o Brasil exportando o antitucanês. Mais direto, impossível. Viva o antitucanês. Viva o Brasil!

E atenção! Cartilha do Lula. Mais um verbete pro óbvio lulante. "Estanque": é o tanque que a dona Marisa esqueceu no apê de São Bernardo! O lulês é mais fácil que o inglês.

Nóis sofre, mas nóis goza. Hoje só amanhã. Que eu vou pingar o meu colírio alucinógeno. E quem fica parado é poste!

simao@uol.com.br

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